Failure is taboo in our culture. We hide from it. We brush it under the rug. We are taught that accepting it is weakness. We are urged to get back up, dust ourselves off, and try again.
I’m curious, is that always the best? Just dust yourself off and keep going? Does the rate at which we get back up and try again matter? Does it have to be immediate? I believe, sometimes, it’s best for your heart, your soul, and your growth, to pause. To pause and let the failure sink in. Reflect on it. Truly feel it throughout your whole being. Analyze it and determine its worth and meaning in your life.
Over the past year I’ve experienced some BIG failures. We are talking category 5 storm type failures. Let me tell you; they knocked me down and they obliterated my heart. They were excruciating to swallow. They were hard to understand. The embarrassment was smothering. It felt impossible to accept that they happened. I couldn’t fathom dusting myself off and going back for more. Fails at this aptitude make your body cringe and skin crawl.
I truly don’t think it was best for me to quickly dust myself off and get back in the game. I needed to take a long hard look at why I failed and what I wanted my successes to look like going forward. Sometimes failures are so catastrophic they make you question who you are. I needed to understand what part of that failure was mine to own, and which parts I could release to others. Was their more to my self worth? Could I find passions in other realms to fill my self image? Was I enough? In the midst of the storm I needed to decide who I was despite the failures.
With time, perspective sets in. You get to see the reality without the emotion. It’s no less devastating, but your heart comes back to fight for you and it allows you to put the failure in its place. It allows you to see if for what it really was. It allows you to take the lessons learned and simply leave everything else.
Failure can be devastating but it isn’t everything. We all fail. Everyone fails. It’s not as taboo as our culture makes it. Without failure there would be less understanding, less learning, and less perspective taking. Failure is imperative in any journey. You need it.
For catastrophic failures, let them sink in. Don’t get whirled into the belief that you’re weak if you take a moment to breathe. Allow yourself the time needed to check in with your soul; decide what the failure(s) means to you. File them where they fit. Grow from the lessons. Tip toe back out there when your heart is ready and merge into your lane with a new outlook. Find those who are there rooting for you, and embrace them every step of the way. Or don’t. Maybe your reflections will lead you to a completely different path entirely. Either way, it’s okay.
When faced with a catastrophic failure that shakes your whole being, take care of you. Listen to your heart and make the decisions you need to feel like you again. Don’t be pressured by the labels of society. You are not weak. You are not a failure. You are you and that’s something worth taking care of.